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President Achieves Total Victory Over Wokeness by Not Being Awake During Most Recent Cabinet Meeting
In a move that political strategists are calling a masterstroke of literalism, the President officially declared the era of wokeness dead this morning by drifting into a profound, mouth-breathing slumber less than four minutes into a high-level briefing. The achievement, punctuated by a soft, rhythmic snoring that drowned out a report on failing infrastructure, has…
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Satan Confirms Karoline Leavitt a “First-Ballot Hall of Famer” for Eternal Damnation
Raising a scorched glass of vintage sulfur to the camera, the Prince of Darkness confirmed this morning that White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt has officially secured a non-refundable, one-way ticket to the deepest, most humid sub-basement of the Lake of Fire. The announcement, which Satan described as a “rare administrative formality for a slam-dunk…