In what experts are calling “the inevitable endpoint of American dining,” Applebee’s has unveiled the O-M-Cheese Burger — a menu item that openly challenges the concept of restraint.
The burger features a beef patty smothered in American cheese, Applewood-smoked bacon, and spicy honey mustard, served in a sizzling skillet flooded with molten queso and Cheddar. Rather than containing the cheese like a normal restaurant, Applebee’s has opted for full saturation, creating an experience that feels less like a meal and more like a controlled dairy breach.
According to Applebee’s, the burger is designed for pulling, pushing, and dipping, transforming dinner into a hands-on activity that implies utensils were a mistake. Diners are encouraged to scoop cheese freely using fries, fingers, or whatever sense of self-preservation remains intact.
In response to the launch, Applebee’s quietly updated its menu to include a Surgeon General–style warning advising that “consumption of this product may increase cholesterol, blood pressure, and the likelihood of saying ‘worth it’ moments before disaster.” The calorie count has been replaced with the phrase “you don’t want to know.”
Local funeral homes appear to be preparing accordingly. “We’ve extended our evening hours just to be safe,” said Mark Delaney, director of Delaney & Sons Funeral Home. “I’m not saying this burger will put us into overtime, but we’ve learned to plan ahead when Applebee’s starts experimenting.”
Early reactions have ranged from euphoric praise to quiet introspection. One diner called it “amazing,” before staring into the skillet in silence and scraping cheese from the edges like someone processing a major life event.
Applebee’s confirmed the O-M-Cheese Burger is only available for a limited time, implying even they understand this level of cheese cannot exist indefinitely. For now, the burger remains on menus nationwide, quietly uniting diners, cardiologists, and funeral directors in a rare moment of shared anticipation.