Amazon Studios this week debuted Melania, the flagship title in its newly launched “Please Don’t Regulate Us” collection, a curated slate of content designed to gently remind federal lawmakers that the company is “vibing with power” and would prefer to be left alone.
Executives stressed that the film is not propaganda, but rather “compliance-forward storytelling,” a genre Amazon pioneered after discovering it pairs well with antitrust hearings. “This is just art,” said one studio head, nervously refreshing a Senate calendar. “Very tasteful, very apolitical art that just happens to flatter one administration and cost less than a lobbying blitz.”
The film itself is described as a meditative portrait of Melania Trump’s inner life, conveyed almost entirely through slow walking, dramatic pausing, and shots of large rooms that look expensive to heat. There is no clear narrative, which Amazon says was intentional. “A plot creates discoverable positions,” explained a producer. “We wanted something regulator-proof.”
Critics were unconvinced. Variety offered what has become the film’s most generous assessment, writing, “People would walk out of this movie even if it was shown on a plane.” Amazon reportedly requested the quote be reframed as “engagement-driven mobility.”
On Rotten Tomatoes, Melania currently holds a Certified Rotten 8%, a score Amazon insiders described as “heroically low” and “evidence of bias against quiet luxury.” The site briefly debated removing the film’s page altogether, fearing audiences might “review bomb” it by noticing the obvious. “We’re not suppressing opinion,” said a spokesperson. “We’re just very scared of numbers.”
At press time, Melania was streaming free on Prime, auto-playing immediately after searches for “antitrust,” “regulatory capture,” and “how to look human in front of Congress.”